Prasad asked me the very next night after his arrival:
“Chechy, Shall I move to some hotel rooms?”
“Why should you do that, dear? Why can’t you stay here?”
“I mean…” Prasad hesitated to complete it. Then he added:
“It will be inconvenient for Roychayan…”
“No, no. Not at all.” I hastily put in.“What do you say? You have only a few days as holidays. Have you come here to spend the days at the hotel?”
“Ok.Ok. I will stay here only, Chechy! But, only now I feel the difficulty and sorrow in not having a home for ourselves.”
“Prasad, I have only one sorrow for not having a home for us, that we don’t have a home where the memories of our Pappa and Mummy linger.”
I lost my mind in the memories of the past. Prasad broke the silence by directly asking me a question.
“Chechy! You should tell me the truth. Are you happy?” Quite an unexpected question that caught me unawares! I shuddered a little. What reply should I give him? When a question is asked abruptly…unexpectedly…That too when Prasad, my brother, asks…
“Um…somewhat…” What else should I tell him?
He did not ask anything more.
Prasad’s matrimonial proposals and visits followed. Roy had put on a disguised attitude. Days without quarrels and blaming passed by.
Prasad preferred the proposal that had already come when he was in the US. Shalini! The marriage was fixed. He had to run about for all arrangements. I felt sad that Roy was not co-operating as he ought to. Prasad must have consciously avoided the subject.
The previous night of his wedding, while I was arranging his clothes in a box with him, he looked noticeably sad.
“Why Prasad? Why do you look sad?”
After a silence of moments…” Chechy! So sad that we have nobody to take care of us! Our Pappa and Mummy…” He sobbed before finishing the sentence. I too wept. This memory will continue to be sorrowful till the very end! The feeling that we don’t have anybody to keep us close—that shelterlessness will continue to be pestering our mind.
Finally, at some moment, a sense of responsibility rose within me suddenly.
“Let it go, Prasad! This is our fate or our lot! There is no point in keeping aloof and feeling worried about it. Tomorrow is your wedding day. Today, you have to be happy.”
“I don’t feel any happiness, Chechy. I even doubted whether I should get married. Then, to say the truth, I had longed for a companionship. Any person needs a companion. I decided to get married for that sake.”
“Yes. When you get a partner, all your worries will disappear.”
“Will they? But did Chechy’s worries disappear? Has Chechy become happy?” His voice broke.
It was a shock to me as I was experiencing the bondage of a bonding!
“ Chechy! I know…I know, you are unhappy…” Prasad wept as a little child. I too couldn’t help crying.
At some point, he stopped crying. Words came out intermittently through the broken throat.
“Chechy! Tell me the truth. Why should you suffer this much? You come with me. I will take care of you.”
“How can I come like that, dear?”
“What if you could come? Chechy, you should come. Why should you struggle like this? For whom? Who gets the value of it? Who is benefitting?”
“Haven’t I been born as a woman? I cannot but suffer…”
“That idea itself is wrong. There should be a limit for anything. Once it goes beyond the limit, whether it’s man or woman, they must get separated.”
“It hasn’t gone to that extreme, Prasad! Don’t say such things unnecessarily.”
“Why do you say, it hasn’t gone to that extreme? I know…I know him. The villain, the brute!” Prasad gnashed his teeth. His face reddened in anger.
He continued. “I knew then itself, this was going to be a failure. How many times had I told you then—pleaded with you—that we should not have this alliance? Chechy, why did you do this? For the sake of obligation. I could have given him all the money in the world—just for you…”
“No, that was a misunderstanding. Not for the sake of obligation, Prasad. When I saw Roy’s face…Might be… I must have given more meaning in his expression than he himself felt. I had some calculations about human relationships. I never thought that it would come to an end like this.”
“So, Chechy consented to marry him out of sympathy for him, didn’t you?”
“I don’t know— I don’t know anything, Prasad—My line of thought was different…I had some expectations…”
“I should blame Chechy’s idealism for this happening. Chechy, you were in a dreamland.”
I couldn’t say anything in response. He is much younger than me. But isn’t what he said correct? I was in a dreamland. I didn’t know what reality was. Only when the sharp stings of life pierced me deeply, I understood that my dream world was entirely different.
The fish grown in a glass case!
“The problem is with Chechy’s subject. You were stuffed with full romantic ideas through your Literature, weren’t you?
His tone was tinged with mild criticism of me. I had nothing to tell him in reply for that too. Prasad continued after a silence of a while.
“Let all things go. There is no use in thinking about such things now. What are you going to do next, Chechy? I want to know your future plans.”
“I will continue to live like this. What else should I do!”
“I have no peace of mind whenever I think of you, Chechy!”
“Don’t worry, Mon! I will get used to it.” I patted his face lovingly.
“I will take Chechy over there to the US. When you lead a miserable life here, how can I live there peacefully? Or, I will come back.”
“No, no. You continue there. Don’t worry about anything. This is my fate. I cannot think about myself alone. Vinod mon. He needs a Pappa.”
This seemed to have touched Prasad. He remained thoughtful for a few moments. After a while…
“Ok, Chechy! It’s left to you…But whenever you feel fed up, don’t hesitate to write to me. I will take care of Chechy and Vinod Mon.”
It was a stream of hope in the desert.
“Prasad, you forget about these things for the time being. This should be the night of happiness for you. You are spoiling it through unnecessary thoughts. Forget everything. It is getting too late. You can go to bed now.”
Prasad stood up. He closely resembles Pappa. The very nose and eyes! For a few moments, I felt as though my Pappa was standing before me.
When I lay down on the bed, I thought of Salini. Salini is lucky. Prasad will love her deeply. He has grown up watching the innocent love of Pappa and Mummy. He has loved them intensely. He has loved me also greatly. I am sure that Salini won’t be miserable because of him.
What had happened in the case of Roy? Daddy was great. Very loving. Roy loved him very much. He loved Valsa also. Roy’s mother had died very early in their young age. He was more adversely affected by the loss of his mother’s love.
I considered all these matters and approached him with love. But he had turned away from all such affection.
What a wild nature was his at times! Will Roy change ever?
Will this river have a flow through a different course? Will this river flow along quiet and calm waters instead of flowing along the rocks and crevices with halts and jumps?
(Cont’d)
