Prasad’s return journey was sorrowful as far as three persons were concerned. Shalini, Vinod mon, and me! I felt as though part of my soul was being lost.
“Uncle, don’t go…don’t go…” Vinod mon whimpered. Prasad pacified him.
“Only if uncle goes, Mon will be brought planes, helicopters etc.”
“no, No…I don’t want anything. Uncle must not go.” Vinod mon wept.
Prasad spoke in pacifying tone, “ After reaching there, Uncle will send you tickets etc. Mon can come with this aunty.” Prasad pointed to Shalini.
Speaking so many things he was pacified somehow. Roy was standing a little away from the scene. Indifferently. Prasad went to Roy. Then he said,” My Chechy is innocent.”
Roy seemed to shudder a little. His facial muscles were seen tightening . Prasad’s eyes were wet. When he came to me, he took my hands in his and said,
“ Don’t you remember everything I told you.”
He had said it the previous night too.
“If you reach beyond the limit; if you can’t bear it, you should write to me. I will take care of you. I’m prepared to do anything for you. When Chechy gets worried, I won’t have any peace of mind.”
He patted on Shalini’s shoulder and consoled her: “Don’t cry, my girl. If God wills, you will be with me in six months.”
The plane rose to the sky and faded from our eyes. Shalini went away with her family.
I felt strangely heavy hearted. All these days I was feeling lighthearted. My mind that had been leaping like a deer is now in chains.
I felt an undescribable emptiness.
Vinod mon had fallen asleep. His small mind must be in the world of colourful toys.
When I watched Roy who was seated in the front, I became thoughtful. The man who ought to offer me shade, and share me light! How indifferent he seems! Even when Roy is with me I feel lonely. Suffocating loneliness!
I felt like bursting into a cry. To cry loud enough to break the whole world! To release all the sorrow dammed in my heart…
Prasad has gone further and further away from me. If it had been childhood all the time…If I had the shade of Pappa and Mummy all the time. As we grow older and older, our sorrows get increased. Their intensity increases. Man is wandering with a mind to wound and to be wounded.
If Roy had been a refuge to me offering support and shade, would Prasad’s return journey have shaken my heart this much? Would I have suffered this much helplessness?
The only comfort is Vinod mon and my job. I am able to free myself from my tormenting thoughts to some extant through these. How many times Roy had asked me to give up my job. I could not obey him in that. He was not convinced of my arguments either.
“Isn’t this a steady income, Roy?” What I asked was wrong.
“Oh…Yours is steady income! That means I don’t have any steady income, doesn’t it Whom am I! AA wretched person!”
More than an income, my job gives me satisfaction. I would have gone mad if I hadn’t had this.
I don’t remember when I dozed into a sleep.
“Come out”, I woke up hearing a harsh sound—without any softness at all. Roy had said it. We have reached home. When I scooped Mon and got into home, I thought I was lost in a circle of emptiness.
Shantha called me for dinner. I didn’t feel like having anything.
Prasad had made me eat sandwiches before he went off.
“How long will I have to wait till I’m able to eat something in my Chechy’s company?” He had said then.
He had stayed with me till his wedding in spite of Roy’s aloofness because of my happiness. After wedding he could stay here only for a few days because of his busy schedule with trips etc.
Once he said to Shalini’ “ Shalini! I have only Chechy as my own in this whole world. We must never forget Chechy.”
While I was lying down unable to sleep, there came a voice as loud as thunder.
“Oh! What dramatic scenes with the brother and the sister! Stage-breaking…”
The cruel arrow of sarcasm stuck my heart with a deep thump.
I could not endure it. I was too weak to say anything.
I only remember breaking into a cry. Difficult to say what all things were hit and broken!
(Cont’d)