Students of M.A.Final Year had a desire. To come to my home. They have been telling me about it for a long time. Though I was very happy about their visit, I had some apprehension about Roy’s response. He might behave to them in his usual coldness.
Anyway, they did come. Both girls and boys were there. Roy was at home then. I had already told him about their visit. Roy came when I was treating them to some delicacies. When I introduced my students to him, he made a pretext of a smile and a semblance of a happy look. Immediately he left saying that he had to go out for an urgent matter. My wish for Roy to exchange some niceties was in vain.
The students spent two or three hours with me. We were not conscious of the passage of time during our talk, jokes, fun, and laughter. Mon was also in a very jubilant mood. They had come with a large tin of chocolates and a cake. Most of their time was spent talking and playing with him.
When they finally bade farewell, they looked sad.
“Our college life is coming to a close. We can never ever forget Madam.”
I was touched deeply by their love. Still, why was always there a black shadow over my happiness?
There is no depth to my happiness; no roots; quite shallow. How momentarily it fades away! Without depth or expansion…
As usual, Roy came too late at night. He was fully drunk!
When I gave him the things my students brought, he said a firm ‘No,’ and pushed them away. “Students!” he uttered in bitterness, stood up, and went away.
I can hardly describe the satisfaction I get from my job of teaching. Students have always been the cause of my enthusiasm. Isn’t my identity revealed in that profession? I have discovered myself only there.
I remembered some experiences in the early days as a fresh lecturer. I had to take a class in the Pre-degree batch for the first time. Though I was nervous and timid inwardly, I tried to muster as much courage as possible and entered the classroom. The moment I stepped in, a lot of noise of hitting and tapping on the desk, etc. reverberated. An unusually louder “Good Morning, Madam” was aired in the hall. I called their attendance. As I called the names of nearly eighty students, I thought my stage fright had subsided a little. Then a question came from the back bench;
“What’s your name?”
I introduced myself.
“Are you married?”
When I heard the second question, I burst into laughter. All the students broke into loud laughter. I did not reveal my apprehension within.
Some students were trying to make a boy get up from his seat. “He is not of this class.” They shouted. “No, I am of this class,” he firmly said. I asked the girls for the truth and they confirmed that he belonged to the same class.
With laughter, fun, and noise the class ended somehow. I just began with Tennyson’s poem “The Lady of Shalott.”
The next day, when I entered the class there was a drawing of a woman on the board. It was written “The Lady of Shalott” along with it. I pretended not to have taken it seriously.
While I was teaching a ‘veto’ (paper)arrow darted to me and brushed on my shoulder and fell on the floor. As it was unexpected, I was a bit shocked. A mass of laughter broke out in the class. A few among the girls were trying to suppress their laughter. Seeing the change in my expression, the mass laughter that lasted for a few moments abruptly ended.
I was feeling anger and grief boiling within me. Still, trying to control myself as best as I can I
spoke.
“Who has sent it?”
No response came. Complete silence!
“Whoever has done it, it has become a childish play. You are boys who are growing up. You may have a futile thought that girls will respect you or adore you if you do such things. They will not find them heroic. I can speak from my experience. No girl will respect or adore or even love the boys who do things like these. It may give you temporary fun, but it will not last.”
Then I looked along the rows of girls and asked them: “Am I not speaking the fact?”
“Yes.” They answered.
“Am I not like your elder sister? Will you do such things to your elder sisters?” I said many things in this way. I think I spoke for nearly half an hour about the teacher-student relationship and its greatness. There was an immediate effect to what I spoke. Pin-drop silence in the class.
When I walked to the staff room after the class a boy came running after me.
“Teacher!”
He called me. When I turned back, I saw on his face the prick of guilt.
“What’s it that you want?”
“Teacher! I am Sasidharan. I was the one who threw the veto.” There was a look of regret on his face.
“Oho…It is okay. Hope you will not do it again.”
“No teacher! Never! Please forgive me. Don’t curse me.”
I laughed at hearing it. I said, “Yes. I’ve forgiven you. Anyway, you have told me the truth. I am quite happy about it.”
Then there was no such gentle boy. Everybody was surprised to see the change in Sasidharan who was the king of troublemakers.
Two years later he came to inform me that he had got admission for Engineering, and he said: “ I’m greatly indebted to you, Teacher. If I were not influenced by you, I would not get such a luck. I would have played truant and I would not have even passed my Pre-degree itself. My family is also very happy about my change. It was their great dream that I should become an engineer.”
How many more students are there like Sasidharan! There is no other profession that can influence the young generation like this. I’m satisfied in this respect. But in my personal life….
People may not be happy in all the fields.
“In the tragic play of life, happiness is a phenomenon that occurs very rarely…” I remembered the statement when I studied Thomas Hardy’s fatalism.
What a woman said in a family of bereavement following death.
“This world won’t give us peace.”
True. How momentary is the peace and happiness we get on this earth! People say that we will get permanent peace and happiness in life after death. We may get the reward that we do not get in this life in our life after death. As Browning’s “Patriot” reflected on his life; If we get everything on this earth what else should we get when we reach there?
Still, my poor heart cannot feel but moan about the lost dreams on this earth.
If I were a bird…If only I could spread my wings and fly to the infinite sky and merge with it…
(Cont’d)
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