Roy had left quite early in the morning itself. I had asked him when he was about to go.
“Roy! Will you come to see us off?” He went off without giving any reply. I was deeply hurt.
This was his attitude even at the last moment!
I thought that he would come back at least at the time we were supposed to leave. But he did not come.
Santha burst out crying. She was the only person who was unhappy and wept at my parting. I felt sad as we had to leave without seeing him. I left home with a heavy burden at heart.
Some of my friends and colleagues had come to see us off. They asked me, “Where’s Roy?”
“He left a little early. He had to make some arrangements there before we reached.” I don’t know whether they believed the lie I told them.
Prakash was not with them. Prakash and Seena came home yesterday.
The taxi came! The luggage was placed in the dickey. We got in.
Mon had been excitedly waving his hands at them, “TA…Ta….”
How light-hearted he is! Like a feather…! But what about my heart? As if I had been weighed down by a heavy weight…
I had pushed Mon to Roy yesterday. I had thought that he would tell him something. But Roy had not uttered a single word. He only gave him a sharp look.
As I was sitting in the car, my only thought was of Roy. I felt guilty.
Was I behaving impudently…heartlessly?
Should I go back?
Even if I go back, what is the assurance that Roy will receive or accept me? Again, the same old course of life…
I had expected that he would talk to me at least during the last night. Nothing happened!
After a whirlwind of thoughts, the car reached the airport. As the driver was about to unload the boxes…. I couldn’t believe my eyes…suddenly a shadow in front…at the aerodrome…
Prakash!
I couldn’t believe it for a moment. My eyes searched along…Roy? Is he waiting somewhere?
Sensing my thoughts, Prakash uttered slowly…
“I thought…Roy would not come…”
My face became pale.
“Come on. We will go.”
He had brought the trolley and placed the luggage on it, and he pushed it. I followed him with Mon.
We checked in. All the boxes were given.
Prakash said,
“Your Bombay flight is only at 4 pm. Come on. We can have tea and some snacks.”
“No, I’m not feeling hungry.” I tried to evade it. But Prakash insisted and I had but to follow him.
He gave orders for snacks and tea.
“Today I’ve come after telling Seena a lie”
“What’s that? Why?”
“I thought she would be unhappy if I told her the truth.”
“You could’ve told her. Otherwise…”
“Or, I ought not have come… I couldn’t do either. If I told her the truth, Seena would be unnecessarily hurt. If I had not come…” He paused for a moment and then said,
“That will make me feel sad….”
I felt the emotion in his broken voice.
Finished snacks and tea. Vinod was playing with a toy Prakash gave him.
“We will sit here, for a little while more…” He said. I did not object. After a few moments of silence, he asked me,
“Don’t feel bad about my asking. Have you got estranged from Roy?”
I was a bit shocked. My head lowered. What should I tell him? After moments of silence and hesitation…
“ I cannot say like that. I’m going off for my studies. It’s a fact. But I will come back only if I feel that Roy wants me to come back.” My voice broke when I said this in a low tone.
“Though I didn’t know the details, I had sensed that much. I felt that there were some problems in your married life.”
Prakash looked into my eyes and continued: “When I see your sorrow, I blame myself. I could’ve made you happy.”
I was surprised as I could not understand what he meant. Seeing my confusion, Prakash said: “ Yes. I could have given you some happiness in my humble way. But I committed a blunder.”
I could not understand anything. “Prakash, what are you saying? I don’t understand.”
“Yes. I will tell you. I had buried it in my heart this far. I can’t but tell you about it. I know fully well that it was no use telling you about it. But at least
, I can unload the heaviness in my heart I had been carrying all these years…”
Prakash’s eyes were wet. As I stood perplexed, Prakash continued:
“As I studied in the college senior to you, I loved you, Pramela; in fact, I adored you! We never got an opportunity to talk with each other. But I used to watch you. I wanted to reveal my heart to you; several times, I wanted to tell you how intensely I loved you. But I didn’t get the courage to tell you about it openly. During those days I had heard boys telling one another that you had refused many offers of love. Somehow, I didn’t have the mental courage to tell you about it. I thought I did not deserve you. So I thought of earning eligibility first, and then approach you with the offer of love. That was why immediately after my MA, I started my work for a PhD. I was pursuing these studies with added perseverance. Anyway, you were also studying. I thought of approaching you after a convenient phase in my research work. Immediately after my MA I had sent a person with my proposal to Roy’s Daddy as I had known that Daddy was your Guardian. He told my messenger that Premela’s marriage would be only after her studies and one or two years of getting a job. Moreover, ‘only a person of utmost brilliance would be selected as her would- be. Let him graduate PhD and we will consider it’. But when I enquired during one of my breaks, what I heard shocked me. Pramela had got married. I couldn’t bear it. I turned more like a madman. I don’t remember how many days I remained shut up in my room. I was not in a mental state to continue my research. Then I discontinued my work. Finally, I got the job and came to the same college you worked. I feared that the presence of Premela who was married to another person would my disrupt my mental state of being. To forget everything, I got married. Not with the whole heart! But I cannot forget you even now. You continue to be the reason for my agony.”
Prakash stopped speaking He stood with his head in his hands. Premela sat stunned.
“I have been trying my best to be a good husband to Seena. But Premela, your memory is my heartache. Your sorrow enhances my grief. I am disheartened by the thought that I could have made you happy. I am blaming myself for my foolishness.”
Premela was searching in vain for appropriate words to speak.
She remembered Seena’s words. That she failed in finding out the reason for his unhappiness. So this was the reason for his sorrow!
“Haven’t you asked me about the ‘precious gem’ in my poems? You were…you are my precious jewel. But now I am not free to do what I like….”
There was sorrow, guilty feeling, disappointment…
Finally, after several moments of silence, Premela’s tongue got loosened.
“I might have been a precious gem in your past life. Not now. It should not be. Whatever we don’t get is precious, immeasurable! What we get turns to be mere stones. Hereafter, Seena is your jewel. The custodian of your heart. You are not supposed to feel sorry for my mishap. You should share the joys and sorrows of Seena. Be a partner of her comforts and discomforts. Seena’s feelings must move your heart.”
“I know that. But sometimes, my mind races fast without my control on it. I cannot forget you. I cannot help adoring you.”
“You must forget. You are bound to forget many things. My life and experiences have taught me that there is no place for adoration in this raw crude life. What matters is to eat, drink, and enjoy like ordinary people. Very often all our idealism and romanticism will get us to failure. Anyway, now I feel that my journey is good for more than one reason. My memory is a dark shadow in your life. Prakash, you are my good friend. Even if I start viewing in a different dimension, I will never cheat Seena. She is a good girl. She is just like a younger sister to me. I never want to cast a shadow or set a stain in your life even unknowingly. Prakash, you love her with your full heart. Her heart is full with you alone. When a baby is born to both of you, you will be able to feel joy forgetting your sorrows.”
Vinod Mon was listening to our conversation without comprehending anything. He was finishing his piece of chocolate cake. Occasionally he exchanged glances at us with his wide-open eyes.
“Prakash! This is the greatest of the light in our lives. This holds us to life—this is the power that sustains us here. This is what gives us hope amid chaos and difficulties.”
It seemed that Prakash’s facial muscles loosened after this talk
It was time for boarding. Prakash patted on Vinod Mon’s shoulder.
One moment…A thin wet channel from the corners of his eyes…
Premela found it difficult to control herself without shedding tears. Till that moment, her eyes had been roaming for Roy.
“Shall I go?” When she uttered those three words, he nodded. A sorrowful smile spread on his pale lips.
While she was walking towards the aircraft, I looked back two or three times. Prakash waved his handkerchief from the place he was standing. The last time when she looked back, did she find a person behind Prakash?
Roy?
(Cont’d)
