Dear Relations: Part I
Relations are dearly missed with on-going time. The more distanced we are from them, the heavier the sense of loss is. This chapter is on such losses that happened in the family. Appachen had one brother and two sisters. The brother was the youngest. I was not fortunate enough to see Appachen’s parents. Grandmother was said to be very pious and prayerful. It was said that they had no children for many years. After long prayers, fasting, and observing lent, Appachen was born. Naturally, he was his mother’s most favourite child.
The family members shared a streak of stoicism and contentment. It was amazing how they could withstand the troubles and miseries of life. The elder Aunt, Illickal Kochamma who was my godmother never looked worried. She had also imbibed her mother’s piety. She was very prayerful and cheerful. She even laughed at her miseries. It was a joke among the relatives that she spoke about bad or sad news with a laugh. Just as we say ‘Chamberlain and the Umbrella’, we could say ‘Kochamma and Her Umbrella’. Once a month she would visit us on her way back from “Kurisupally” (church) two furlongs away from our Puthenangady home. Even while eating the delicacies or snacks we lay before her, the umbrella would be either on her lap or in her armpit. We would tell her to keep it on the table. She would not do it. Valiya Joychayan who worked in Munnar and who gave us the most amiable and interesting company was her elder son.
Kochamma’s husband, Appappen(for Uncle–we called him Illickal Appappen)was a real gentleman. He was, like Appachen, meek, mild, and loving. He was not a man of airs. But he was many things in one person. He was a school teacher; a Homeo practitioner and a Surveyor. He was a perfect husband as far as we knew. He always treated Kochamma very respectfully and he taught his children to respect and take care of their mother. She was allowed to have the real ‘voice’ in the family. His children used to tell us that he took great care of Kochamma whenever she was unwell. I remember, he blessed me on my wedding day after prayer at home, before setting out to go to church with my parents and all kith and kin. We had great admiration for him. Though I was small, I still remember his loving and caring nature during my one-year stay with them in “Kurumannu” in Pala. He was the teacher in a school where I studied my third standard.
Pallom Kochamma, the younger Aunt, was equally stoic. She was also prayerful enough. She prayed before she set out from home for any matter whether to work or any other thing. She was a motivational force to generations of her students as well as her nephews and nieces. I was the most fortunate in the family to be influenced greatly by being her student and ward. I have already written about her being a mentor in my life. She told me stories when I was too small; gave me books to read when I grew older; wrote speeches for me and took me to competitions in speeches. Pallom Kochamma’s husband Pallom Appappen was also very fond of me. He was exactly the opposite of Illickal Appappen in his behavior and manners. Outwardly rough and rude, but inwardly he was very loving and caring. Kochamma had sympathy for him as he had to grow motherless in his childhood. His mother had passed away in his early infanthood or so. She attributed his rough manners to this unfortunate situation in life. He had served in the military. As his father was a Homeo Doctor he had also learned the treatment. He treated people and gave them medicine free. I used to get a good share of the sweet homeo-pills without medicine added in them. During my stay with them I enjoyed consuming those pills.
Sometimes we felt bad and sad when Appappen criticized and blamed Kochamma for her deeds. He would begin like this, ‘Your Kochamma does this, does that…’. The strange thing is that she never retorted to his statements. I remember, after his death, she kept the soap he last used, the clothes he last wore, etc. as things precious for her.
Appappen loved his relatives very much. He visited them frequently and did whatever he could for them. His handwriting was beautiful. I had seen him writing articles on contemporary issues, sitting in an armchair with a wooden writing board. He stood for the right and the just. He was also a great singer with a rich baritone voice. I remember how magnificently Appappen and Babu, my husband sang the Christian songs that used to be sung in Christian homes on occasions of death during Appachen’s funeral ceremony. It was in 1993. He also passed away in the same year. He came home and lay on the cot. His end was sudden. It was a heart failure.
Appachen’s brother was the youngest and he was very small, I think he was only four years old or so when Ammachy came to Veloor as a young bride at the age of ‘sweet’ sixteen. Ammachy had a great love for Appappen and till his death, he responded to her with a boundless measure of love and respect. On all our important occasions in our family, his presence and help were sure to be obtained. He did not talk much. He was rather matter-of-fact. Ammamma, his wife was a loving and cheerful woman. Ammachy and Ammamma had great harmony between them. Ammachy treated her as her younger sister. Both of them were known in the family for selfless service. Ammachy used to help our relatives whenever there was a wedding in the family. In those days wedding reception was conducted at home. Similarly,Ammamma also helped everybody. She came and helped Ammachy in all the arrangements connected with the weddings in our family. She would be serving food to all those close relatives who came home on the eve of the wedding day and on the day of the wedding before we set out for the church. She would be the last person to get ready and run to get into the car.
