Travel to the Chars village in Tanzania near the border with Botswana. It was drizzling in the morning when we were travelling by jeep. Inna here “nympho en tabu”. A woman-to-woman marriage takes place. Lazy rain clouds squished the earth and thundered as they drove along the rough, stony roads. A cold wind blows. It started raining heavily. Saw donkeys grazing on the way. After some distance, some wild buffaloes created an obstacle on the way. On both sides of the road, there are a lot of thickets of vines. A fat buffalo looked at us fiercely with great tenderness and flashed its huge horns. If you see that look and expression, why did you come to our base? The rainwater was washing the buffalo’s body white. A few leopard-skinned deer advanced across the road. Buffaloes also walked. We also moved on. At one part of the road, there is a long river or lake surrounded by water.
: At the invitation of my friend Pauli, I am going to attend the wedding of her friend Bokeh Chaha. Thirty-three-year-old Chaha marries twenty-three-year-old Christina Wambura, who is ten years her junior. After splashing the water in the pits through the mud and mud hills, the scent of wildflowers and green grasses and fields came to a village. Suddenly I saw the rural beauty of Kerala. He travelled through a few alleys and reached the backyard. Red roses are blooming in the backyard. Bananas and other crops are crowded around the house. There are a few bunches of bananas. The backyard is decorated. A few children are playing in the shady grove in front of the house. Those who stood there stared at us blankly. May be happy to see Indians. From inside, Chaha hugged Pauli, who was breastfed and shaking, with tears of joy and a deep hug, wishing her “tumela” (greetings) in their language, Tswana. A faint smile appeared on her lips as she saw us as strangers. Paulie introduced us. Asked immediately. “Leegai” (how are you) to which I replied “ritengah” (fine). Although there are many languages spoken here, Tswana is spoken by the majority. The government is implementing various schemes for the growth of this language. Chaha’s color is black but her body glow is loved by women as much as men. Chaha doesn’t have much hair or eyebrows. Some colorful glowing stones are visible on the ear. Even though there is no jewel around the neck, those eyes are shining. Christina came there. Her large breasts, waist and body parts made her look like a fat woman. Many women with large body parts can be found in African countries.
: Chaha introduced us to her. She also made inquiries and welcomed us. Around her neck and hand is a necklace and bangle that shines like iron. This is what they love more than gold. We were invited inside. Christina gave us sorghum beers to drink. Very sweet. Christina went in with the glass. Suddenly a girl of about eight years old comes in calling her momma and says something in Tswana. Chaha introduced her and said. “My daughter’s name is Majoblizer,” Leila asked in their language. “O ke” she answered. “Ki teng” (okay). Okay in English and Tswana seemed to be the same thing. She replied and walked out. If I don’t look up and look like I’m in trouble, can you tell me something about this wedding of yours? Immediately, she angrily said, “Our society is ready to tell the world about the miscreants who are here in false guises torturing women. Tell the outside world about the sufferings we are going through”.
[08/10, 20:49] Leelamma thomas: : I stared at that face. She described leaving her burden with great pride. Even in civilized countries, when marriage takes place, women who are tired of men try to do this. It mostly occurs among women of the Kuria tribe. It is called “numpa en tabu” women’s marriage. Numpa en tabu marriage is a tradition followed by the Kuria tribe. Since ancient times any old woman without male heirs could marry another woman. Chaha, a native of Kitavasi, says that women belonging to the Kuria tribe are the most tortured in the world. If two women are married, there will be no physical and mental abuse from the men. Then I asked. Why do men harass you? When I heard that it was in the name of dowry, my mind went to literal Kerala. Men here and men in India seemed equal. It was understood that people have a mind like black color. There are savages who torture women like this in India. .
This “numpa en tabu” women’s marriage is not only here but in many parts of Africa such as Kenya and Tanzania. Unmarried women, women who have left their husbands and widows choose their companions in this way. Chaha said about Christina, who is now getting married. She is the friend of truth. She is innocent. Loving, truly trustworthy. There is no room for jealousy or strife in our lives. Do not deceive each other. I come from Kitawasi on the Kenyan border. In that village 80% of Kuria tribe women are raped. This is not my calculation. It is the government’s account. I had to leave my husband because I got tired of him. It is done according to the traditional ritual of Tanzania called “Nimbenrobu”. The goal is to make women’s lives safer. Unlike in other countries, they do not marry for love. When I heard that the present daughter was not from her husband, something came to my mind.
Chaha married a twenty five year old man at the age of fifteen. My alcoholic husband is destroying every part of my body day and night. The beast, with the strength of a buffalo, squeezed my body, including my breasts, like a carnivorous vulture. I was afraid that my husband would take my life. My body muscles were injured and I cried out in pain. His bloodshot eyes laugh like a vulture’s when I cry my eyes out in fear of death. The days of tears, sweat and dry throat still haunt me. I threw away that savage who didn’t know what love was. He went to his home and told his woes. The daughter was adopted and the husband decided to return the mahr (dowry) given by the husband at the time of marriage. Nine cows were given as Mahar. They returned it and ended the relationship. If mahr is given to women in India, in African countries it is the man who pays mahr. It’s the sheepfolds. Chaha later went to relatives in Botswana. The people of that tribe received her with deep love.
My heart was freezing as I heard everything. How miserable the lives of women seemed. Chaha is right. Life is more important than anything else in this world. Once the parents have pampered their girl and brought her up and married her off with her husband, the husband is her savior. If you receive heavy burdens from that husband, try to escape.
Chaha married Maria, a fifty-four-year-old widow, to escape male violence. A woman who comes as a partner and helper can be trusted more than a man. It was Maria who insisted that Chaha have a child while they were living together. So a man was borrowed for the child and kept with him for three months. He was fired the day she became pregnant. And with that, their contract was over. The father has no authority over this child and has no legal right to see the child. That is tribal law.
There are no barriers for women who enter into female marriages to have relations with other men or to conceive. If the first child is weaned, the next male can be borrowed for pregnancy. So there are cousins of Chaha who have more than five children. This can be seen in Western culture as well. There are many children born in heterosexual relationships. Chaha built this house with the help of her family. What came to my mind is t
We were invited to eat. That room is full of dung. Many people, including children, eat on the floor and on benches. Christina forced Chaha to join us and served us food. Food is served on banana leaves. When I saw it, I literally stared at it. The coolness of Kerala that has nothing to do with the mind. Essential foods such as rice, donkey meat, beef, large cut pea toran, fruits and many other dishes were lined up in front. We are their special guests. Pauli’s beauty continued to shine even while eating tea. What a love and respect they felt for each other. Everything seemed to be fascinating, but it was the lives of these women that blew my mind. The men here are not all evil in nature, yet what is it that the feeble-minded women of this tribe are wounded by lust-anger-lust? Wished them good luck and parted.
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